Pocket Full of Posies (and your money, too)

As with anything remotely wedding related, the entire industry of wedding flowers is a sector that expects you to spare no expense when it comes to decor for your special day. According to Elegala, a wedding website, "you should expect" to spend 8-10% of your total wedding budget on flowers for your wedding party and additional ceremony and reception decor. So, if your wedding budget is $10,000, you are talking about spending $800 to $1000. If your budget is more like $5000 (which is low, but not impossible, though others may tell you differently), you would be expected to spend $400 to $500. Frankly, this is absurd.

Let me say upfront that I fully understand that the reason you pay top dollar for a florist is that you are hiring an aesthetic expert, and if you have the desire and money to fund this type of artist, then by all means do so. Just as we commission landscape architects to make our lawns beautiful, so too do we hire specialists for occasions such as these. Of course, lawns last year round, and a wedding is a single, transitory day, and as it's likely that no one (aside from florists, perhaps) attending your special event will discern the difference between professional flower arrangements and something put together by yourself or a friend with a tasteful eye, why not go the route of DIY? You wouldn't pay for a landscaper if it weren't in your household budget, you'd garden yourself. Likewise, why would you pay a floral expert if it weren't reasonably within your budget?

Enough waxing ethical. How do you save money on flowers and still foster a delightful decor for your wedding?

Typical Flower Arrangements
Here is a list of the types of flowers you might expect at a wedding (note: one way to reduce cost is to eliminate some of these from your purchasing list --decide what's important!).

1. Wedding party flowers

• Bridal Bouquet
• Bridesmaids bouquets (including maid of honor if you have one)
• Corsages for mothers of the marrying individuals
• Groom's boutonniere
• Boutonnieres for fathers and groomsmen (including best man if you have one

2. Ceremony Flowers -- decor for the ceremony which may include any of the following:

• Archway/Trellis
• Altar flower arrangement
• Various other arrangements depending on your space

3. Reception Flowers

• Centerpieces for tables
• Arrangements for catering tables
• Various other arrangements depending on your event space

Ways to save on flowers.
Choices in green text are eco-friendly.

1. Wholesale flowers. Whether you live in a city or in a more rural area, it is likely that there is a "farmer's market near you." Many times at farmer's markets you can find flowers for sale in addition to fruits and veggies. This is obviously more true during the spring through early fall, and flowers will obviously be available according to geographic range and seasonal availability. If you are curious about the seasonality of flowers (for instance, tulips are an April-May flower, but stop being "in season" starting in June), visit this Wedding Flowers Guide. You will save a great deal of money if you purchase flowers from a local wholesale market (or something close to it, like a flower cart in the city), and recruit a friend or family member with a knack for crafts to assemble your bouquets, boutonnieres, and corsages. Additionally, you will earn "earth karma points" for reducing your carbon imprint on the globe. Supporting local blooms and local growers is an eco-friendly choice to make, as the flowers you choose will not have been imported from a far away land (= mucho CO2 from fossil fuel emissions).

Floral tape works wonders, and believe it or not, figuring out how to use it is not that hard. I made the bridal and matron of honor bouquets for my aunt's wedding and in doing so discovered the ease of this task. You basically arrange flowers the way you want them to look, wrap them in tape, and then wrap the stem in ribbon. Fin. For the slightly more difficult task of making boutonnieres, visit this eHow article for instructions.

Can't find a local farmer's market? Go to your local grocery store. Though you can't guarantee that all the blooms are locally grown and in-season, making them an eco-friendly choice, they will be cheap!

2. Economy size flowers? When I found out that Costco has an extensive wedding section on its website, my first thoughts were: "Wedding packages for the whole family? Economy size weddings?" It turns out that Costco flowers are not larger than your average blossom, but like all things this company markets, Costco offers extensive floral packages for incredible prices, and they are customizable for your needs. You can order packages that include all bridal party flowers as well as centerpieces for your wedding. Costco is particularly a deal for the wedding party flowers. Doing some combination of Costco (if there's one near you) and wholesale flowers for other arrangements is, in my experience, the most inexpensive and rewarding way to go. Another online wholesaler I was able to find is freshroses.com (which has a mission statement about environmental stewardship, which I always like!).

3. In Season. Whether you are going with a florist or buying your own posies for the big day, choose flowers that are IN SEASON. They will be cheaper.

4. The "Off" Season. If you have an autumn or winter wedding, your floral choices may be more limited, but you will get a much better deal not only on flowers, but on all wedding related expenses. The wedding season is generally, I'd say, April through September (if you're in California, maybe it's year round because the weather there is always, uh, freaking beautiful). If you have a fall or winter wedding, there are many ways you could incorporate seasonal decor (like mistletoe, holly, carnations, pumpkins, berries, harvest-y items, etc).

5. Fake flowers. Fake flowers, guaranteed, are cheaper than real ones, and, hey, bonus(!) - they are recyclable too! You can donate them, keep them for household decor, or pass them on to another bride to be. When planning my own wedding, I found this craft site extremely helpful. They have tons of wedding paraphernalia, including all the trappings for fake flower bouquets, boutonnieres, and corsages (as well as the supplies necessary for building these items from real flowers), centerpieces, and pretty much any other wedding decor related item you can think of.

6. Don't use flowers. By this, I mean for centerpieces, but hey, if you want to go flowerless in general, I say go for it. I just went to an outdoor wedding south of Providence in RI that took place on a lovely campground bordering a beach. There were a couple of flower arrangements and other than that, there was just exquisite, natural scenery. The centerpieces were caraffes full of delicious juice - juice, being consumable, rates way higher than flowers in my book.

Centerpieces can be candles or bowls full of candy (purchased in bulk) or fishbowls that people can take home at the end of the night or a small potted plant. They can be WHATEVER YOU WANT THEM TO BE and they certainly do not have to cost over 1000 dollars, which the Bridal Association of America tells me is the "expected" expenditure. I feel pretty saucy when it comes to this topic, so there may be a follow-up post with creative centerpiece ideas.

7. Size matters. Another way of cutting cost, especially if you are hiring a florist, is to reduce the size of the wedding party. The fewer attendants you have, the fewer bouquets, corsages, and/or boutonnieres you will have to acquire.

I hope this entry has been helpful. The overarching point of this posting (and really, this blog), is that there isn't one way to have a wedding. Creativity will save you money and it will inspire your guests! Your guests are not there to judge your taste in flower arrangements - they are there to celebrate you and your marriage! The ambiguous "they" say not to sweat the small stuff, and though it may not seem like it just now, this is small stuff.

One last note. If you do hire a florist for any of the components of your day, don't let them push you around. As with any business, you are how they make money. Go in with clear ideas of what you want and don't be afraid to ask about price. Hell, with the recession, it's verging on trendy to price hunt. If any readers have further suggestions, I'd love to hear them!

Eliminating the Middle Man

Gov. Ed Rendell isn't subsidizing this plug for PA, but he should: PA is an excellent state in which to get married. Why? Because William Penn and his crew of Quaker Friends established this commonwealth, and as a result it is extremely easy to obtain a Quaker/Self-Uniting Marriage License. The average cost of an officiant in the city of Philadelphia (from my own experience) runs anywhere between $300 and $500. A self-uniting license is ten dollars more than a regular marriage license in PA, resulting in a total cost of 90 bucks to get yourself hitched. I've done a little research and have discovered the unfortunate truth that self-uniting licenses are not readily attainable in any other state (that I could find - please correct me if you know differently). Pennsylvania does allow non-residents to marry in Pennsylvania, so you nearby Delawarians and New Jerseyites interested in this Quaker goodness might want to think about getting hitched over the state line. Downside: PA does not currently permit same-sex marriage. Hopefully one day PA's self-uniting license will be an option open to everyone. For information on obtaining a marriage license in PA, see Philadelphia's city government website. I also found this website detailing marriage laws for each state in the US (but be aware that some of the info may be outdated, as laws are constantly changing).

For those unfamiliar with Quaker tradition and the concept of a self-union, let me pull from this apt Wikipedia entry on Quaker weddings:

Since traditionally Friends (the term for the religious order of Quakers) have no clergy, there is no one person to “marry” them. Instead they believe that they are married by God, and declare their intentions before God and those gathered. They believe that the marriage is merely "witnessed" by those present.

In PA, you do not have to be Quaker to obtain a self-uniting license. You must sign your certificate along with two witnesses of your promises to each other, send it in to the government, and voila! Married.

This entry may be less relevant for those of you who belong to a religious community, and may therefore have a more defined path you wish to follow. For those of you planning to get married with a particular religious order, do be aware that there is usually a fee or expected donation of similar cost to hiring an officiant ($300 plus). This is to support the organization and, you know, pay the person who is putting effort into your big day.

My fiancé and I do not belong to particular faith-based organizations, which left us with no immediate ideas about where we would marry and who would marry us. The nice thing about the self-uniting license is that it grants you the liberty of deciding who will lead your ceremony (if anyone) and what shape your ceremony will take. In our case, we asked a good friend to lead our ceremony. If you aren’t comfortable planning a ceremony or don’t know anyone you could ask for guidance, you may want to think about seeking out an officiant. The benefit of hiring someone (over the self-uniting option) is that they have experience in conducting weddings and might provide some coherence to your ideas or supply you with a template. I found this non-denominational ministry while surfing the net – it seems they provide a diverse set of services meant to accommodate all different types of people and ceremonies.

If you live in a state where the self-uniting license isn’t an option, you can get legally married at city hall (or the local courthouse) and conduct the “actual” wedding ceremony outside of this event. Just because you sign some papers at city hall indicating that you are married doesn’t mean you have to ceremonially marry each other at that time. The promises you make to each other are the important part – not the paperwork (though a lawyer might tell you differently). Getting married at city hall/the local courthouse is also a great option if you want to wed without the muss and fuss. City hall, small dinner afterwards? Sounds like a lovely Saturday evening plan to me.

The party part of a wedding is always fun, but the ceremony (well, really the vows/promises) - that's the important part of the day. Make sure you find the path that best embodies who you and your spouse are, and what means the most to you.

"If people are looking at your feet, you're doing something wrong" - my mother

This entry may offend all the Carrie Bradshaws out there, given its thesis statement: Adorning expensive footware is akin to burying money in shallow earth - hardly anyone notices that it's there and it gets all dirty.

It's a ridiculous idea that wedding shoes necessitate a higher expense than what you would on average pay for regular shoes. I mean, they touch the ground. Unless they come with hovering capabilities, in which case they might actually be worth the extra cash. Hardly anyone will be looking at your feet, even if your dress isn't floor length. It's not as hard as you think to find a lot of really nice looking shoes (that are color appropriate) for a very decent price.

For really reasonable yet fashionable options, shop DSW. They don't have a "wedding" section but you can filter the online search by style and color. There are also styles frequently offered in the store that don't appear online. One of the pairs of shoes I considered purchasing for my wedding was an ivory high heel by Mootsies Tootsies (for about $30) which I found in my local DSW (Ardmore, PA) but did not appear in the online inventory.

Department stores like Macy's are also good for browsing - shoes are constantly going "out of style" and therefore going on sale. I didn't have a lot of luck browsing, but I'm also not the most patient "in store" shopper. I prefer to browse the internet.

Where I finally ended up purchasing my wedding shoes was Zappos.com. The obvious con with shopping online is that you cannot try the shoe on prior to purchase, and shoe sizes vary from brand to brand. However, Zappos, unlike many other sites, will cover the cost of shipping the shoes back for a return, should they not be what you are expecting (in terms of size, style, etc). Zappos actually has a bridal shoe category - you can narrow search results by other specifics within this subset of shoes by size and by price. There's also a bridesmaid category, in which cheaper shoes appear (and it doesn't seem that there is anything in particular that makes a shoe for a bridesmaid vs. a bride). If you are looking for ivory shoes, you can't actually filter search results by this color, but many of the white "bridal" shoes are also offered in ivory (and sometimes other colors as well).

This advice goes for men's shoes as well, perhaps even more so. I am probably evoking scoffs from the global fashion community as I write this, but men's shoes by and large... kind of all look the same. My fiance bought a nice pair of some no-name company's dress shoes from our local West Philly overstock shoe store. They look great, cost like 40 bucks, and no one will know the difference (or care that there might be one).

If you can, find a shoe that you might actually wear again. Like I said, no one's really going to be looking at your feet. Certainly your future spouse won't be, and I'm pretty sure I've never seen close up photos of the bridal shoes in people's wedding albums. The biggest savings can come from reducing expenditures on these smaller details that will not ultimately be that consequential come your wedding day.

"Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear." - Oscar Wilde

For many brides, the dress is among the most important cosmetic components of the wedding. Why wouldn't it be? Aside from high school prom, what occasion does your average person have to get all glamorous? For me, the dress wasn't ultimately something I cared very much about, but I came to find that it still mattered to everyone else. At first I thought this was silly, but it actually makes sense. The garb of the uniting couple (or more traditionally, the bride) defines apparel selection for all of the attendants. Planning a wedding demands that you determine your "bride type." Are you a "traditional bride" desirous of all things lacy, white, and able-to-be- bustled? Are you the "simple" type, coveting all that is understated and ruffle-free? Are you completely "non-traditional," becoming slightly nauseated at the thought of anything the color white touching your skin and/or fearing the term "floorlength"? Your "type" will determine two things - 1) the overall feel of your wedding and of course 2) your dress. I'll be upfront -- if your dream dress is something shmancy, you're going to have a little more difficulty than the "simple bride" in terms of affordability.

Being a decidedly simple bride, I bought a decidedly simple dress. For a couple of really elegant and inexpesive options, I recommend checking out J. Crew's online wedding catalog. You'll note that that there are dresses priced in the low range and high range and not much in between. The only con is that you have to order the dress online and can't try it on before making a purchase. The good news is that any J. Crew store will fit you and place the order in the store, and returns are fairly simple, should it not be what you are expecting. Also, if you aren't dead set on a floor-length dress, check out the "bridesmaids" section. These dresses are usually very reasonably priced and come in a variety of colors, including white (for some, not all).

If you are not a "traditional bride" (white wedding, veil, etc), you may not want to get a traditional dress. Women choose to wear all kinds of colors for their weddings. You'll note on the J Crew website that many dresses are standardly offered in white, ivory, and champagne. These "off white" colors are very popular, and can open doors to other dresses that are not sold as "wedding" attire. In Chinese tradition, red is worn rather than white (white = death, red = love, joy, prosperity). Deciding to wear something colorful will open up even more shopping options to you (and you can definitely avoid use of the word "wedding" while browsing the prices in this case). Hand-me-downs are a less popular but very practical option. Brides wear their dresses an average of... calculating.... yeah, once. If your mom tries to pass on her 80's wedding gown with really puffy sleeves and shoulder pads, don't reject the offer outright. If some components of the dress are of interest to you, you can look into having the dress altered to reflect your style (if your mom/relative/friend wouldn't be upset with you cutting into the thing). Tailors can be expensive, too. It depends on what you want done.

If you are not a "decidely simple bride" and assuredly want the traditional wedding dress with lace trim, and a train, and maybe some ruffles or something, you will have a hard time finding a dress lower than the $500-$1000 range (and it can go much higher than that). If affordability is an issue, shop the sales and look for gowns that are "last year's style" (if it's your style, who cares in what year other people thought it was awesome). Hand-me-downs aren't out of the question for you either. It may be cheaper to have a dress that has been passed on to you altered than to buy one that is entirely new.

I wasn't impressed with the David's Bridal selection (everything is strapless, which it something I personally dislike), but I know many others who have been satisfied with their purchases. I mention them because they do offer affordable options and frequently have sales on dresses. David's Bridal is also a national chain, so you shouldn't have trouble finding a relatively local store. Note: unless you want lots of email spam and random phone calls from associated vendors, do NOT fill out the registration form. The website makes it look like you have to do this, but there is a small "close" button in the window somewhere. I clearly learned this the hard way.

I like Alfred Angelo's selection of dresses. Again, many of them are very expensive, but you can find decent options that are reasonably priced. I don't know that this store is as ubiquitous as David's Bridal.

One last piece of advice: if you aren't a brand snob, seek out the knock-offs. If you live in an urban area, take a trip to your local Chinatown (or equivalent) and look for dress boutiques. If you can find a deal anywhere, it's probably there.

Introduction

I never thought I'd be a blogger, and I certainly never thought I would blog about weddings. My experience navigating through the commercial world of wedding services, however trivial it may appear in text, felt much like trailblazing through the wilderness. So much so, that I felt compelled to help guide others through this extremely opportunistic and somewhat hostile environment. With the amount of money people want to charge for the components of a wedding, you may as well be navigating through leech invested waters - when you get out of them, you won't have an ounce of blood left.

Small disclaimer: I'm not against expensive weddings, and this is not a blog railing against the industry surrounding marriage (well, not entirely). I think every couple reserves the right to design and execute a wedding that best matches who they are and what they want. I do not believe, however, that making your special day memorable necessitates the draining of your life savings. Undoubtedly, marriage occupies a place in the world of commerce similar to, well, almost any other momentous occasion for which a Hallmark card is made. Weddings make money, and its expected that financial concessions will be made in the name of having the "perfect day." The goal of keeping this blog is to convey that with some gumption and the right resources, you can definitely make your way against the tide of information suggesting that weddings follow one pattern of construction.

A few points to begin with:

1. Budget. Set a rough budget. Whose resources are going into the day? Yours and your fiance's? Your parents? His/Her parents? Those of an anonymous wealthy benefactor? Figure out who is contributing and how much - what are you working with?
   
2. Prioritize. What actually matters to you and your fiance? Are you dead set on having a one of a kind princess wedding dress? Are you really into cake? Did you make a variety of promises between the ages of 10 and now to make like 15 different people your bridesmaids, should your theoretical wedding day come to fruition? If you are working with limited resources (or just don't want to spend exorbitantly), you are going to have to choose which aspects on which you are willing to spend more. That doesn't mean sacrificing something all together, but it may mean creative solutions.
   
3. Activate advice filter. It's your day. Literally, one day that is entirely about you and the one you love. Your priorities are what matter. Try not to let other people's ideas of what they would want compromise your plans. Asking for help and advice is important, just keep in mind a) your financial limits and b) what it is you value most.
   
4. Dig deeper. Your major wedding websites (The Knot, Wedding Channel, etc.) can be extremely helpful. They can also be extremely convincing about how to do things and where to get certain items. These are great sites for ideas (and for organizational tools)-- just remember to keep an open mind about how to accomplish what you want, and always explore multiple options before settling.
5. Collect on those favors. Been a good friend, child, sibling? It's time to call upon your friends and family for help. Employ the responsible and artistically inclined to help you with your wedding day tasks. You know what they say -- it takes a village. Ok, that's about children, but same idea.
6. Avoid the word "wedding." You may as well ask to be robbed. Many vendors (but definitely not all) will hike your price as soon as you drop the "w" bomb. Sometimes it's unavoidable, but always attempt to get your first quotes by using the term "celebratory event." Obviously for things like the bridal party flowers, you're going to have to be upfront. You'll have to negotiate your word choice on a case by case basis.
   

I hope you stay tuned!