"If people are looking at your feet, you're doing something wrong" - my mother

This entry may offend all the Carrie Bradshaws out there, given its thesis statement: Adorning expensive footware is akin to burying money in shallow earth - hardly anyone notices that it's there and it gets all dirty.

It's a ridiculous idea that wedding shoes necessitate a higher expense than what you would on average pay for regular shoes. I mean, they touch the ground. Unless they come with hovering capabilities, in which case they might actually be worth the extra cash. Hardly anyone will be looking at your feet, even if your dress isn't floor length. It's not as hard as you think to find a lot of really nice looking shoes (that are color appropriate) for a very decent price.

For really reasonable yet fashionable options, shop DSW. They don't have a "wedding" section but you can filter the online search by style and color. There are also styles frequently offered in the store that don't appear online. One of the pairs of shoes I considered purchasing for my wedding was an ivory high heel by Mootsies Tootsies (for about $30) which I found in my local DSW (Ardmore, PA) but did not appear in the online inventory.

Department stores like Macy's are also good for browsing - shoes are constantly going "out of style" and therefore going on sale. I didn't have a lot of luck browsing, but I'm also not the most patient "in store" shopper. I prefer to browse the internet.

Where I finally ended up purchasing my wedding shoes was Zappos.com. The obvious con with shopping online is that you cannot try the shoe on prior to purchase, and shoe sizes vary from brand to brand. However, Zappos, unlike many other sites, will cover the cost of shipping the shoes back for a return, should they not be what you are expecting (in terms of size, style, etc). Zappos actually has a bridal shoe category - you can narrow search results by other specifics within this subset of shoes by size and by price. There's also a bridesmaid category, in which cheaper shoes appear (and it doesn't seem that there is anything in particular that makes a shoe for a bridesmaid vs. a bride). If you are looking for ivory shoes, you can't actually filter search results by this color, but many of the white "bridal" shoes are also offered in ivory (and sometimes other colors as well).

This advice goes for men's shoes as well, perhaps even more so. I am probably evoking scoffs from the global fashion community as I write this, but men's shoes by and large... kind of all look the same. My fiance bought a nice pair of some no-name company's dress shoes from our local West Philly overstock shoe store. They look great, cost like 40 bucks, and no one will know the difference (or care that there might be one).

If you can, find a shoe that you might actually wear again. Like I said, no one's really going to be looking at your feet. Certainly your future spouse won't be, and I'm pretty sure I've never seen close up photos of the bridal shoes in people's wedding albums. The biggest savings can come from reducing expenditures on these smaller details that will not ultimately be that consequential come your wedding day.

"Fashion is what one wears oneself. What is unfashionable is what other people wear." - Oscar Wilde

For many brides, the dress is among the most important cosmetic components of the wedding. Why wouldn't it be? Aside from high school prom, what occasion does your average person have to get all glamorous? For me, the dress wasn't ultimately something I cared very much about, but I came to find that it still mattered to everyone else. At first I thought this was silly, but it actually makes sense. The garb of the uniting couple (or more traditionally, the bride) defines apparel selection for all of the attendants. Planning a wedding demands that you determine your "bride type." Are you a "traditional bride" desirous of all things lacy, white, and able-to-be- bustled? Are you the "simple" type, coveting all that is understated and ruffle-free? Are you completely "non-traditional," becoming slightly nauseated at the thought of anything the color white touching your skin and/or fearing the term "floorlength"? Your "type" will determine two things - 1) the overall feel of your wedding and of course 2) your dress. I'll be upfront -- if your dream dress is something shmancy, you're going to have a little more difficulty than the "simple bride" in terms of affordability.

Being a decidedly simple bride, I bought a decidedly simple dress. For a couple of really elegant and inexpesive options, I recommend checking out J. Crew's online wedding catalog. You'll note that that there are dresses priced in the low range and high range and not much in between. The only con is that you have to order the dress online and can't try it on before making a purchase. The good news is that any J. Crew store will fit you and place the order in the store, and returns are fairly simple, should it not be what you are expecting. Also, if you aren't dead set on a floor-length dress, check out the "bridesmaids" section. These dresses are usually very reasonably priced and come in a variety of colors, including white (for some, not all).

If you are not a "traditional bride" (white wedding, veil, etc), you may not want to get a traditional dress. Women choose to wear all kinds of colors for their weddings. You'll note on the J Crew website that many dresses are standardly offered in white, ivory, and champagne. These "off white" colors are very popular, and can open doors to other dresses that are not sold as "wedding" attire. In Chinese tradition, red is worn rather than white (white = death, red = love, joy, prosperity). Deciding to wear something colorful will open up even more shopping options to you (and you can definitely avoid use of the word "wedding" while browsing the prices in this case). Hand-me-downs are a less popular but very practical option. Brides wear their dresses an average of... calculating.... yeah, once. If your mom tries to pass on her 80's wedding gown with really puffy sleeves and shoulder pads, don't reject the offer outright. If some components of the dress are of interest to you, you can look into having the dress altered to reflect your style (if your mom/relative/friend wouldn't be upset with you cutting into the thing). Tailors can be expensive, too. It depends on what you want done.

If you are not a "decidely simple bride" and assuredly want the traditional wedding dress with lace trim, and a train, and maybe some ruffles or something, you will have a hard time finding a dress lower than the $500-$1000 range (and it can go much higher than that). If affordability is an issue, shop the sales and look for gowns that are "last year's style" (if it's your style, who cares in what year other people thought it was awesome). Hand-me-downs aren't out of the question for you either. It may be cheaper to have a dress that has been passed on to you altered than to buy one that is entirely new.

I wasn't impressed with the David's Bridal selection (everything is strapless, which it something I personally dislike), but I know many others who have been satisfied with their purchases. I mention them because they do offer affordable options and frequently have sales on dresses. David's Bridal is also a national chain, so you shouldn't have trouble finding a relatively local store. Note: unless you want lots of email spam and random phone calls from associated vendors, do NOT fill out the registration form. The website makes it look like you have to do this, but there is a small "close" button in the window somewhere. I clearly learned this the hard way.

I like Alfred Angelo's selection of dresses. Again, many of them are very expensive, but you can find decent options that are reasonably priced. I don't know that this store is as ubiquitous as David's Bridal.

One last piece of advice: if you aren't a brand snob, seek out the knock-offs. If you live in an urban area, take a trip to your local Chinatown (or equivalent) and look for dress boutiques. If you can find a deal anywhere, it's probably there.

Introduction

I never thought I'd be a blogger, and I certainly never thought I would blog about weddings. My experience navigating through the commercial world of wedding services, however trivial it may appear in text, felt much like trailblazing through the wilderness. So much so, that I felt compelled to help guide others through this extremely opportunistic and somewhat hostile environment. With the amount of money people want to charge for the components of a wedding, you may as well be navigating through leech invested waters - when you get out of them, you won't have an ounce of blood left.

Small disclaimer: I'm not against expensive weddings, and this is not a blog railing against the industry surrounding marriage (well, not entirely). I think every couple reserves the right to design and execute a wedding that best matches who they are and what they want. I do not believe, however, that making your special day memorable necessitates the draining of your life savings. Undoubtedly, marriage occupies a place in the world of commerce similar to, well, almost any other momentous occasion for which a Hallmark card is made. Weddings make money, and its expected that financial concessions will be made in the name of having the "perfect day." The goal of keeping this blog is to convey that with some gumption and the right resources, you can definitely make your way against the tide of information suggesting that weddings follow one pattern of construction.

A few points to begin with:

1. Budget. Set a rough budget. Whose resources are going into the day? Yours and your fiance's? Your parents? His/Her parents? Those of an anonymous wealthy benefactor? Figure out who is contributing and how much - what are you working with?
   
2. Prioritize. What actually matters to you and your fiance? Are you dead set on having a one of a kind princess wedding dress? Are you really into cake? Did you make a variety of promises between the ages of 10 and now to make like 15 different people your bridesmaids, should your theoretical wedding day come to fruition? If you are working with limited resources (or just don't want to spend exorbitantly), you are going to have to choose which aspects on which you are willing to spend more. That doesn't mean sacrificing something all together, but it may mean creative solutions.
   
3. Activate advice filter. It's your day. Literally, one day that is entirely about you and the one you love. Your priorities are what matter. Try not to let other people's ideas of what they would want compromise your plans. Asking for help and advice is important, just keep in mind a) your financial limits and b) what it is you value most.
   
4. Dig deeper. Your major wedding websites (The Knot, Wedding Channel, etc.) can be extremely helpful. They can also be extremely convincing about how to do things and where to get certain items. These are great sites for ideas (and for organizational tools)-- just remember to keep an open mind about how to accomplish what you want, and always explore multiple options before settling.
5. Collect on those favors. Been a good friend, child, sibling? It's time to call upon your friends and family for help. Employ the responsible and artistically inclined to help you with your wedding day tasks. You know what they say -- it takes a village. Ok, that's about children, but same idea.
6. Avoid the word "wedding." You may as well ask to be robbed. Many vendors (but definitely not all) will hike your price as soon as you drop the "w" bomb. Sometimes it's unavoidable, but always attempt to get your first quotes by using the term "celebratory event." Obviously for things like the bridal party flowers, you're going to have to be upfront. You'll have to negotiate your word choice on a case by case basis.
   

I hope you stay tuned!